Baked Smoked Ham

My experience with Chinese food was extremely limited growing up. For a number of reasons. First being, we rarely would go out to eat. It either had to be a very special occasion, even then my mother and Grandmother would be the caterer, or we were out after dinner hour and it really didn't pay to go home and cook. On the rare occasion that we would go out to eat it would usually be for Chinese food. My friends today would say, "boy, you must have eaten in some good Italian restaurants growing up in Brooklyn". Yea, right. Mom and Grandma were the Italian restaurants. Why would we pay someone else twice the money to eat food of half the quality?? It just wasn't done.

So it was a rare treat when my parents would take us out for Chinese Food. I could remember that we would bypass the Chinese restaurant down the block from us and go about 10 miles away to another one. In my parents wisdom, just because it was close it didn't make it any good. As a matter of fact, the further away a place was, the better it had to be. We had a doctor who's practice was right on our corner, Dr Generelli. As often as I was sick as a child my mother never took me to him. I went to Dr. Brown on Bay Parkway, about 15 miles away. He had to be better!

Until the age of high school, the only thing I thought was on a Chinese menu was Chicken Chow Mein. As a matter of fact, I never realized they had menus in Chinese restaurants. I don't remember the name of the restaurant on 86th Street but I knew we had to walk up a flight of steps to get to its second floor location. We would sit down at the table and after the waiter brought us the tea and duck sauce, Chinese mustard and fried noodles my mother would order a round of Won Ton soup for everyone and for the second course, Chicken Cow Mein. I wasn't allowed to drink the tea until I got older. Water was it. I didn't know they served soda at Chinese restaurants either. Till this day, I still don't order soda at a Chinese restaurant, but I'll drink the tea and water. When the food came my mother would plate my dish....rice on the bottom, a few scoops of Chicken Chow Mein, crushed noodles on top, a sprinkle of soy sauce and when I was older, a few dabs of Chinese mustard. If desert was part of the "Family Dinner" we would have ice cream, and of course the fortune cookie.

When I was older and started dating I remember taking my date to the Chinese Restaurant on the corner. I didn't have a car yet. I was all ready to order Chicken Chow Mein, until the waiter handed me a menu. I was sort of taken back a little and opened the menu to see maybe they had different versions of Chicken Chow Mein. You could have imagined my surprise when I saw all the different dishes they offered. I asked my date if she ever had Chicken Chow Mein. She never did. So I introduced her to something different.

Now, you might ask what does Chinese food have to do with baked ham? Or with Italian Comfort food. Actually, nothing. Other then the recipe was given to me by my neighbors wife, who happens to be Chinese. I know, it's a stretch. But nothing else I cook has to do with Chinese food and I thought this was the only chance I had to fit in this story. So bear with me. Besides, to me, Chicken Chow Mein is Comfort food.

I tried this baked smoked ham at their house one evening and had to have the recipe. This has been added to my list of comfort foods and I have been making it this way for the last 20 years.

Here is what's actually going on with this dish. You're as much cooking it as you are drying the ham. Smoked hams we buy in today's supermarkets are mostly water. This cooking process drys out the ham so it taste as good as a true Virginia baked ham. There is a difference in what we buy here and what they sell down south. Another little lesson in hams, I always buy the Butt HALF or Shank HALF. Never the Butt PORTION or Shank PORTION. The reason is on the PORTION cut they slice away the center portion of the ham and sell it as ham steaks. And the center of the ham is the best cut. I know, you are getting a smaller ham with the PORTION cut, but believe me, ham never goes to waste. You can dice it and scramble it with eggs in the morning, ham sandwich paradise, let's not forget Ham Salad. And ham freezes well, just pack the left over in a zip lock bag and it stores for months. I always leave a bag in the fridge and snack on it right out of the refrigerator. Ham never lasts long in my house. And let's not forget Pea Soup! Yummm.

Baked Ham

1 smoked ham, Butt Half or Shank Half

1 8 oz jar Dijon Mustard

1 Cup honey

1 bottle of beer, any beer except light

Set oven to 200 degrees

Unwrap ham and rinse under cold water. Pat dry. Place ham in deep roasting pan.

Score the skin of the ham to form diamond shapes. First one direction then the next.

Spread mustard all over ham.

Drizzle honey over entire ham until it's coated.

Pour bottle of beer into roasting pan, not on top of ham

Place uncovered in 200 degree oven for at least 11 - 12 hours. It will be worth the time.

The last hour , baste with juices . If you have to, add some water to the pan if it starts to dry out, but you usually don't have to.

Once you slice the ham and dip it in this juice...it's amazing!

The Way To A Man's Heart Is Through His Stomach

It's been said that "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach". Through my personal experience dating, as of lately that quote has been severly neglected, or totally ignored. But back in the day when my sister Annette was trolling for a husband, my mother could have been the author of that proverb.

The year was around 1962 and my sister Annette was in the long and complicated process of finding her soul mate. Back then, at least in my family, this was not a simple task. Or one to be taken alone. It took proper planning and execution that only my mother and "the council" were qualified to pull off. Members of "the council" ,including my mother, were my Grandmother, my Aunt Mary and my Aunt Angie. They typically held a meeting when matters of great importance were to be decided, consensus to be reached and the commanding officer, my mother, was to be assured of exactly what to do. The objective: get my sister married.

Operation #38 had been carefully laid out and planned. Operation #37 was a failure so a totally new tactic was in place. My sister's boyfriend Arthur was invited to an early supper that my sister was supposedly preparing for him. It was the old "let's feed him till he's numb and could not think straight" ploy.

But this was not an easy plan to execute. My sister was severely challenged when it came to pouring milk on cereal, let alone prepare a meal that would pull on Arthur's heart strings and quicken his pace to propose. So the "Council" was preparing to work overtime.

The plan: 1. Have my mother and Grandmother prepare a meal that would make Henry the 8th gasp. 2. Get my 15 year old brother Richard out of the house. 3. leave detailed instructions on warming and serving that even my sister could follow on her own. 4. Leave them alone, which meant my Grandmother would be listening from the upstairs door and if it got too quiet she could make an entrance.

The day had come. My mother and Grandmother spent the entire previous day cooking and preparing "the meal". My brother Richard was on a two day camping trip with my father's cousin Eric and the Boy Scouts. So he was out of the house and his time of arrival back would not be until well into the evening. My Mother and Father packed me in the car and went over my Aunt Mary's house, which was only blocks away in case immediate intervention was needed.

The dining room was all prepared. The lights were dim. The table was set with the good China. My mother's fine crystal glasses were glistening under the candle light. The Victrola was playing tunes of Nat King Cole. And the tomato sauce was simmering.

When Arthur arrived everything was ready. The trap had been set. It was the beginning of a perfect evening. My sister led Arthur to the dining room table and as he sat down she offered him a drink. They glared into each other's eyes while sipping their Ginger Ale. Arthur commented on how my sister should not have gone through all this for him. My sister gloated back and assured him that he was well worth the hours she slaved over the stove to prepare this special meal, just for him.

My sister had just plated the manicotti and carefully spread the thick marinara sauce over the top. She danced towards the dining room table holding the two dishes and carefully placed one in front of Arthur. He commented on how wonderful it looked and smelled and how many hours she must have spent in preparing such an amazing dish. My sister exclaimed, "it was nothing. Just something I enjoy doing! Would you like me to sprinkle some cheese over your manicotti, Arthur?"

My sister sat down and placed her linen napkin over her lap and looked into Arthur's eyes and said "I hope you enjoy it". Just as Arthur picked up his fork and began to cut into the pasta my brother Richard entered the room, threw down his sleeping bag and said, "BOY, AM I STARVING! WHY IS IT SO DARK IN HERE?"

It was as if the needle on the Nat King Cole album had screeched across the record and time had just stood still. My sister looked over to my brother Richard and her eyes widened with anger. Words wanted to come out of her mouth but couldn't. Her hand clenched around her fork and tightened in a position that was ready to stab him if he came any closer. Arthur turned to Richard and said "Hi Richard!, would you like to join us?"

After two days of camping in the woods of the Adirondacks, un-showered and smelling like the inside of a Texas smoke house, Richard took his place at the table on the opposite end from where my sister was sitting and prepared himself for a meal of a lifetime.

The chaos factor was in full swing at my sisters dinner. But the stars and planets must have been perfectly aligned that afternoon because two years later my sister Annette and Arthur were married. Hail the "council"!!!

Arthur's Manicotti

For the Pasta:

1 cup flour

1 cup water

1/4 teaspoon salt

4 large eggs

For the filling:

3 large eggs

2 pounds Ricotta

1/4 cup Parmesan Cheese

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

3 Tablespoons fresh Parsley, Chopped

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 pound Mozzarella, shredded

For the Tomato Sauce:

1- 28 oz can Crushed Tomatoes

1- 28 oz can Tomato Puree

1 small onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped

1/4 cup red wine

1 teaspoon dried basil

1 teaspoon sugar

4 tablespoons olive oil

Salt & pepper to taste

To make the tomato sauce place olive oil in heavy pot and sauté onions till soft and translucent. Add garlic and sauté for 2 minutes. Add both cans of tomato sauce and rinse each can halfway with water and pour into the sauce. Add red wine, basil, sugar, salt and pepper. Cook uncovered on medium heat for 1/2 hour, stirring occasionally, till thick.

To make the pasta, combine flour, water, salt and beat in electric mixer till smooth. Beat in eggs one at a time until blended. It should look like a thin crepe batter when done.

In a medium non stick skillet, lightly oil the pan. Place over a medium flame. When the pan is hot pour about a quarter cup of batter into the pan and swirl the pan until the batter covers the bottom of the pan in an even pancake. Cook until the pancake edges are dry and flip over. Cook the other side for 45 seconds. Repeat the process until all the batter is used, lightly oiling when needed. This should make about 12 crepes.

Prepare the filling by beating the 3 eggs in a large bowl. To the eggs add the ricotta, parsley, nutmeg, Parmesan cheese, 1/2 teaspoon salt, pepper and mozzarella. Blend well.

To put together the Manicotti, Take one crepe, place about 2=3 tablespoons of ricotta mixture along the center of the crepe to about an inch and a half from the end. The row of ricotta should be about 2 inches wide by about 6 inches long. Fold the two sides along the long end of the crepe over and fold the two opposite ends over each other.

Place each manicotti, seam side down, into a baking pan covered in tomato sauce. Do this till all the crepes and ricotta are used up. Laddle more tomato sauce over the manicotti till it is covered. Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese and cover the pan with foil. Place in a 350 degree oven for about 1 hour or until bubbly. Take off the foil and continue to bake for another 10 minutes.

Allow the manicotti to rest for about 15 minutes before you plate.

Stuffed Artichokes

"Hello Peeta.....this is your mother". This is the way my mother starts her conversation when she calls me on the telephone and leaves a message on my answering machine. How many children are out there that would not recognize their own mother's voice that she would have to identify herself in that manner? Even a lost baby caribou recognizes its mother’s call among a herd of thousands. I don't get it. My sister has the same habit. But she goes a step further. She'll say, "hello Peeta....this is your sister....Annette". I ONLY HAVE ONE SISTER! When I call them and get their answering machine I just say "hi, it's me" If they don't know who "me" is after 55 years of hearing my voice, well, they should take a lesson from the caribou.

Now, I know my mother recognizes my voice because the one time I downloaded a canned message on my answering machine from the internet I almost had the cops show up at my door. I was living in Hackensack at the time and I downloaded a "Rocky" sound alike on my answering message. It went something like.."Yo....there is no one in right now. ERR...when you hear the bell just talk in the phone....ya know." I thought it was cool to have that on my answering machine. I never thought in a million years that it would almost cause an Amber Alert!

My mother called me that day and got "Rocky" on the answering machine. She hung up! She called back a second time, and again hears "yo, there is no one in....". She hung up again. Now she got worried. Did she dial the right number? Maybe she used the wrong area code. Did someone break into my apartment and kill me and changed my answering machine message??? Because there was a rash of that going on in the country at the time....especially in Hackensack. I kid you not. This is what was going on in her mind. She finally calls the operator and tells her that "every time I dial my son's number a stranger answers the phone! Can you please try this number and let me know if everything is ok?" I'm sure Ma Bell operators get these requests every day and are specially trained to deal with these dire situations.

The operator dials and gets "Rocky". The operator explains to my mother that it's an answering machine that sounds a little slow, like it's winding down, but it's the correct number. At that point my mother's thoughts resemble that of an insane woman. I don't know what was going on in her head but she thought that something had happened to me. And that someone broke into my home and took over my answering machine. It upset her the whole day.

THANK GOD I called her that afternoon or the cops would have shown up. She answered the phone and I said "hi, it's me", not knowing what just occurred.

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT" ?!?1? .she screamed. "Sure mom, why, what's wrong?"

"I TRIED CALLING YOU ALL DAY AND SOME STRANGER KEPT ANSWERING THE PHONE. I THOUGHT SOMETHING HAPPENED TO YOU! I CALLED THE OPERATOR AND SHE GOT THE SAME THING!"

I tried to calm my mother down and explain to her that I recorded a Rocky answering message. She screamed "WHO'S ROCKY? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?? WHY CAN'T YOU HAVE A MESSAGE LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?"

I once heard that actions have unintended consequences. And when you least expect it, something very innocent can occur that turns your mother into a lunatic. Maybe it comes out of love.

Oh, by the way, the reason my mother called me that afternoon was to let me know her and my father were coming up to visit me over the weekend…..and bringing me stuffed artichokes.... It was worth the aggravation.

My Mother's Stuffed Artichokes

3-4 artichokes

2 Heaping cups plain bread crumbs

3/4 cup grated cheese (Locatelli Romano)

1 clove garlic finely chopped

4 Tablespoons fresh flat leaf parsley, chopped

1/2 teaspoon salt

black pepper to taste

Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Take off the bottom small leaves of the artichoke and cut the stem off so the artichoke sits flat.

I save the stem and cook with the artichoke. Just cut off the "woody" outside layer of the stem. Rinse the artichoke in cold water. Shake off any excess water.

Cut off about 1/3 of the top. A serrated bread knife works well here.

Now open the leaves by spreading with your fingers or turn upside down with the top of the artichoke on top of the counter and with your palms press down hard to open the leaves. Now the artichokes are ready to stuff.

To the bread crumbs add the grated cheese, chopped garlic, chopped parsley, salt and black pepper. Mix well.

With a teaspoon, stuff each leaf of the artichoke with the bread crumb mixture. Holding the artichoke in one hand, pull the leaves back with your thumb and spoon in the bread crumbs and shake till they settle to the bottom. Go all around the artichoke and make sure each leaf is stuffed from bottom to top with the mixture.

When every leaf is filled place the artichokes in a large enough pot to fit.

There is no measurement here, slowly drizzle the extra virgin olive oil over each artichoke until absorbed by the bread crumbs. For 4 artichokes you can easily use 3/4 cup of olive oil. Fill the pot with water about a quarter of the way up the artichoke. Do not pour water over the artichoke. Turn the heat to medium and bring to a boil. Turn down heat to low and simmer with the lid partially covering the pot.

Check the pot from time to time and add more water as needed. Pour the water into the pot, but not over the artichokes. They should cook about 50 minutes or until you are able to pull a leaf from the center easily.

For those of you that have never eaten an artichoke before here is how it is done. Pull off a leaf. With the bottom inside of the leaf against your front bottom teeth, bite down gently and as you pull the leaf out of your mouth, scrape the fleshy part from the leaf. As you get closer to the center of the "choke", the leafs will be more tender and you will be able to eat the softer bottom parts of the leaf. When you get to the center scrape off the "hairy" portion till you get to the heart of the artichoke. This can be eaten whole. That is my favorite part! Including the stems you cooked with the artichokes.

These are best eaten at room temperature or slightly cooled. They also travel well.